Coinbase Stock Skyrockets as S&P 500 Inclusion Confirmed—Wall Street Scrambles to Catch Up

Another day, another institutional stamp of approval for crypto—this time with the market’s favorite rubber stamp. Coinbase shares surge 12% pre-market after S&P 500 announcement, proving once again that legacy finance adopts innovation at the speed of a crippled sloth... right until their FOMO kicks in.

Wall Street’s latest ’discovery’ of digital assets comes just as retail traders yawn—we’ve been stacking since sub-$200. The inclusion marks a tipping point: crypto’s not just disrupting finance anymore, it’s being absorbed by the old guard. Cue the suits explaining blockchain to their golf buddies.

One cynical footnote: Watch how fast the same analysts who called crypto a ’fraud’ in 2022 pivot to ’long-term infrastructure play.’ The tape doesn’t lie—but Wall Street narratives? Always for sale.

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