Bitcoin Goes Dark When Markets Bleed—Where’s the Safe Haven Now?

Markets are cratering, inflation’s a wrecking ball, and your 401(k) looks like a deflated balloon. So where’s Bitcoin—the ’digital gold’—when you need it? Lurking below $30K like a nervous intern during layoff season.

The Decoupling That Wasn’t

Remember when crypto bros swore BTC would moon during economic chaos? Turns out it’s still glued to Nasdaq’s rollercoaster—just with 3x the volatility and none of the FDIC insurance.

Institutions: Fairweather Hodlers

BlackRock’s ETF inflows? Gone faster than a Wall Streeter’s moral compass. Even MicroStrategy’s stacking spree can’t mask the elephant in the room: crypto’s still a risk asset, not a panic room.

The Cynic’s Take

Maybe Satoshi knew—build a system impervious to banks, but not to human nature. When fear hits, everyone runs back to Mommy Fed’s liquidity injections. Even anarchists love a bailout.